A couple I heard today.

An old man walks up to a kid eating candy at the park and says, "You shouldn't eat candy; it's bad for you." The kid looks up at him and says, "Well my great grandfather lived to be 100 years old." "Oh, did he eat a lot of candy?" "No, he minded his own fucking business."

A little boy saw his dad getting out of the shower and asked him about what he saw, "Well son, that's a penis. As a matter of fact, that's a perfect penis." Later, the sister saw her brother's penis and asked what it was, "It's a penis, if it was two inches shorter then it would be a perfect penis."

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