70's Children

You know you're approaching 30 when...


You leave gigs before the encore to 'beat the rush'.


You own a lawnmower.


You stop dreaming of becoming a professional sports player and start dreaming of having a son who might become one instead.


Before throwing the local paper away you look through the property section.


Before going out anywhere you ask what the parking is like.


Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them because they'll be all right for the garden.


You buy your first T-shirt without any writing on it.


Instead of laughing at the Innovations catalogue that falls out of the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money-saving properties of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench, not to mention the plastic man for the car to deter would-be thieves.


You start to worry about your parents' health.


You complain that Ecstasy's 'not what it used to be' because you know that if you have some it will take about 48 hours to recover and, anyway, you might look a bit of a twat.


Sure, you have more disposable income, but everything you want to buy costs between $200 and $300.


You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace and Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your child.


All pop music starts to sound questionable.


You opt for Pizza Haven over Pizza Hut because they don't have any pictures on the menus and, anyway, they do a really nice half-bottle of House white.


You become powerless to resist the lure of assemble-it-yourself furniture.


You always have enough milk in the house.


To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go clubbing, you instead frequent really loud tapas restaurants and pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.


The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.


You go out of your way to pick up a color chart from Guthrie Bowron.


You wish you had a shed.


You have a shed.


You actually find yourself saying, 'They don't make 'em like that any more' and, 'I remember when there were only three TV channels' and, 'Of course, in my day.'


Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus, you tut at schoolchildren whose diction is poor.


When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging baskets.


You make an effort to be in and out of the local Indian restaurant by 11 pm.