$40 Drunk

A man is drinking a beer at the bar when his friend walks in and asks him if he wants to do some shots.
"Nah, I shouldn't. Every time I do shots, I get really drunk and throw up and then my wife gets really pissed at me when she goes to do the laundry."
The friend laughs at this and says, "Easy way around that is to put a 20 dollar bill in your shirt pocket, so when she sees your ruined shirt, you explain to her while giving her the 20 that some drunk guy threw up on you and gave you 20 dollars to make up for it."
The man loves this idea and proceeds to drink to excess before stumbling home.
As he enters the house, his wife, who has been waiting for him, sees his sorry state and takes a deep breath. Before she can begin yelling, he waves his hands saying, "Wait, wait. S'not my fault." His fingers dip into his shirt pocket and pull out the money within. "Guy gave me 20 dollars for throwing up on me." The wife takes the money and says, "Hold on. There is 40 dollars here." The man struggling up the stairs turns to her and says, "Oh yeah, He shit my pants, too."